were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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