so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
