hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
