i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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