Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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