He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
