I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
