My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
