I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
