I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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