Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How external is "for external use only"?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
