Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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