Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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