he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
