he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
