i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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