I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am mentally ready for anal.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
