Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
