I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
