I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
