I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
