Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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