you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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