bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
