what day is it and did you see me today?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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