You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
