I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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