I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
