My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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