i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
