So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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