FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
