If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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