so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
