Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
