Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
