there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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