that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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