Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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