from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
