I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
