she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
