the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
