Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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