this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
