You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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