her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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