she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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