i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
