Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
