The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
