oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
