Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
