It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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