I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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