i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
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... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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