Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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