So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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