My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
