I want to walk on stilts...naked
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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