why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
