Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
