In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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