I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
