You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
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