New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
God, I missed his penis.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
