I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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