ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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