he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
