That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
