i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
