I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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