smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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