just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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