***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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