No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
